Buy Yourself the Flowers
Love is in the air.
Or so I’ve been told through advertisements on TV for jewelry and brochures received in the mail for flower arrangements as well as Valentines Day cards and heart shaped candies while shopping in the grocery store.
Amazing! Lovely! So cute!
I love love.
I love seeing people in love.
I love seeing people be loved.
But also … Overwhelming?
My mind immediately floats back to memories from middle and high school where couples would be roaming the halls with GIGANTIC teddy bears or individuals would be receiving roses from secret admirers passed out during classes. As an adult it’s seeing extravagant dinners on Instagram or watching coworkers receive flower deliveries.
I reflect on the former versions of myself who felt shame, embarrassment and loneliness. These emotions stemmed from a belief that I was not worthy of being chosen, admired or loved loudly. As a result a lot of time was spent wishing for someone to fulfill these needs.
Also, as a result, a lot of time was spent not recognizing that I was in a relationship.
That relationship was with myself.
The relationship with myself didn’t mean I had to dismiss my desire for partnership but it did mean that I had to show up for myself. This looks like assessing my needs and allowing myself permission to provide those needs without comparison, judgement or criticism.
Which meant: I BOUGHT MY OWN DAMN FLOWERS.
In a society and culture that places heavy emphasis on finding a partner, it can feel really foreign to prioritize the relationship with ourselves. It can feel even more foreign to be proud of that relationship.
The truth is: The relationship you have with yourself is for life and it is important that you get to know each other.
Some questions that you can ask yourself:
What makes me feel loved?
How do I like to be comforted?
Where am I when I feel safe, calm and at peace?
What are the ways that I feel seen?
On a day where I need affirmation, what would I like to hear?
When do I feel most at home?
In answering these questions you may find that your core needs (safety, to be heard, connection), love languages (physical touch, gifts, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service), and self-care behaviors (walking, listening to music, grabbing a favorite snack) begin to surface.
Is there a way you can incorporate this information into a Valentine’s Day plan for yourself?
For me this looks like ordering a Chick-Fil-A breakfast (acts of service) and eating it in bed (my need for safety) while watching Southern Charm (self-care).
I want to remind you that the relationship you have with yourself is one that is worthy of celebration and one that is worth honoring. So, how will you be your Valentine?
You can take yourself out on a date.
You can gather friends to do arts and crafts.
You can grab your favorite dinner.
You can also buy yourself the flowers.
